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Things Work Better When...
TimeDragon888 Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:34 am
Originally posted by DayDreamer on 26 Aug 2009. Link here: http://surrealtwilight.com/viewtopic.php?p=310973#p310973
THINGS WORK BETTER WHEN...
People seem to have problems working a lot of modern and ancient devices these days. Some can't use them right, some can't use them at all. 100% of the time the way to make the thing in question work better is obvious...to me. So, let me detail a list of tips that explain conditions for things to work better in:
Things work better when they're plugged in.
One of the more highly advanced tips starting off. When something is not plugged into a power source, oftentimes it will not work at all. This is because power comes from your wall outlett, and travels through the cable, into the thing, giving it functionality and placing it under the control of the top-secret government nanomachines that travel along power lines with the aim of capturing all electrical devices (which as we all surely know will lead to Bots and/or Skynet taking control of everything, especially our clock radios). No amount of swearing or bashing of the item will get it to plug itself in (though some things are sentient, they're generally lazy and selfish bastards who will be sitting there all inanimate and thinking "screw you buddy" while they stubbornly refuse your "persuasion"), so best find the cable and plug it in yourself.
Examples include: toasters, computers, electric chairs, death rays, robots.
Things work better when they're turned on.
Aside from human males, who get distracted and are less efficient when turned on, most things will have increased functionality by being in the "on" state. Not to be confused with the "off" state (these are often mixed up). If turning the thing on doesn't make it work better, chances are you DID NOT READ MY DAMN LECTURE OTHERWISE YOU WOULD KNOW THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED IF IT WAS PLUGGED IN FIRST!!!
Examples include: TVs, computers, women, self-destruct mechanisms, forcefields, live support systems.
Things work better when they're used for the right purpose.
As fun as it is to use a chainsaw to trim your dog's fur, more often than not it won't turn out right, and even MORE often than not it'll result in a bloody (literally) mess. If you don't know what something should be used for, search Wiki for it (do not under any circumstances Google it - Google's right purpose to be used for is pr0n searching and nothing but pr0n searching).
Examples include: Bullets, pens, money, alibis, bushes large enough to hide behind.
Things work better when they're well thought-out.
If thought is put into the creation of something, it will work better than things created mindlessly. This thread was a rather mindless idea, and it has developed to the point that it is even MORE mindless than when it started. So much so that I've already run out of material to cover in this "lecture", due to poor/lack of planning.
Examples include: Lectures, battle plans, pick-up lines, jokes, general inventions, life.
END TRANSMISSION.
THINGS WORK BETTER WHEN...
People seem to have problems working a lot of modern and ancient devices these days. Some can't use them right, some can't use them at all. 100% of the time the way to make the thing in question work better is obvious...to me. So, let me detail a list of tips that explain conditions for things to work better in:
Things work better when they're plugged in.
One of the more highly advanced tips starting off. When something is not plugged into a power source, oftentimes it will not work at all. This is because power comes from your wall outlett, and travels through the cable, into the thing, giving it functionality and placing it under the control of the top-secret government nanomachines that travel along power lines with the aim of capturing all electrical devices (which as we all surely know will lead to Bots and/or Skynet taking control of everything, especially our clock radios). No amount of swearing or bashing of the item will get it to plug itself in (though some things are sentient, they're generally lazy and selfish bastards who will be sitting there all inanimate and thinking "screw you buddy" while they stubbornly refuse your "persuasion"), so best find the cable and plug it in yourself.
Examples include: toasters, computers, electric chairs, death rays, robots.
Things work better when they're turned on.
Aside from human males, who get distracted and are less efficient when turned on, most things will have increased functionality by being in the "on" state. Not to be confused with the "off" state (these are often mixed up). If turning the thing on doesn't make it work better, chances are you DID NOT READ MY DAMN LECTURE OTHERWISE YOU WOULD KNOW THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED IF IT WAS PLUGGED IN FIRST!!!
Examples include: TVs, computers, women, self-destruct mechanisms, forcefields, live support systems.
Things work better when they're used for the right purpose.
As fun as it is to use a chainsaw to trim your dog's fur, more often than not it won't turn out right, and even MORE often than not it'll result in a bloody (literally) mess. If you don't know what something should be used for, search Wiki for it (do not under any circumstances Google it - Google's right purpose to be used for is pr0n searching and nothing but pr0n searching).
Examples include: Bullets, pens, money, alibis, bushes large enough to hide behind.
Things work better when they're well thought-out.
If thought is put into the creation of something, it will work better than things created mindlessly. This thread was a rather mindless idea, and it has developed to the point that it is even MORE mindless than when it started. So much so that I've already run out of material to cover in this "lecture", due to poor/lack of planning.
Examples include: Lectures, battle plans, pick-up lines, jokes, general inventions, life.
END TRANSMISSION.
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