A History of Horrible Heretic Smitings Throughout History

**TimeDragon888** Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:43 am

Originally posted by Kyo on 11 Nov 2009. Link here: http://surrealtwilight.com/viewtopic.php?p=325006#p325006

Now simply by the fact that I used History twice in the title I am sure you can wager that I am now also a qualified historian as well as a qualified surgeon and many, many other things. (I need to update my list!)

Now we back before the invention of cryogenically frozen marshmallows there was a bunch of creatures with only one cell. With only one cell and no nuclear technology they could not very well do any smiting. And so evolution took place and they crawled from the primordial soup (Potato and Leek Broth if anyone was wondering) and formed arms and legs and teeth and claws and lots of other nasty stuff. Upon emerging on to the land they discovered the Church of the Holy Triumvirate. "At last! Followers!" HH cried. "Why do they smell like broth?" Wstfgl asked. and so began to idea of enlisting chruch followers. However one of our soupy ancestors did not like this one bit and said "I don't like this one bit!". The gods created the T-800 Cyborg Terminator and saw that it was good. The T-800 fired that soupy non-believer and the gods saw that this was awful good too.
"Smite him for his heresy!" Timedragon888 cried friercely, later adding, "Actually that words not bad. We'll call them heretics now!"

and so many, many years passed and many more smitings happened. None of them relevant. It was not until the late 1970's that Jesus came in his time traveling delorean. Now being a time travelling dragon TimeDragon888 was severely not chuffed at this. So he cut the brakes on Jesus' delorean and sent him hurtling through time endlessly. Somewhere along the lines Jesus ended up in Nazareth and TimeDragon's good pal Pontius Pilot spotted the silly sod and stuck him on a big wooden cross.
This event re-occured later when Marty McFly began time travelling in a delorean with the help of that crazy scientist the doc (he's my grandpa don't you know) and in turn the gods set out to smite the little beggar. Turns out it was just a movie series though so it was irrelevant. For giggles they stuck tacks on Michael J. Fox's sofa and waited for him to sit down. Much hilarity ensued.

Then in 2003 It was discovered the Vincent an Gogh was smited by none other than himself. Turns out the poor artist was a schizo and one half of him was a heretic. So he cut off his own ear to show himself what for.

An attempt was made on George W. Bush for his supreme heresy (and idiosy) by getting him to choke on a big-ass pretzel. Sadly he managed to swallow the thing down. Who'd have thought it?

There are many more itneresting smitings through history and I will explain some more at a later date. For now I must go have some Angel Delight. Goodnight!