The Logic of Procrastination

[TimeDragon888]

Originally posted by Wstfgl on 12 Oct 2009. Link here: http://surrealtwilight.com/viewtopic.php?p=320705#p320705

The Logic of Procrastination

And today, we're having a super-special audience request sermon! I've invited Dr. D.O. Itlater, Ph.D, Bs.C, BU.ll, Sh.IT, Wt.F, to make a speech about... THE LOGIC OF PROCRASTINATION! A round of applause for Dr. Itlater, please!

*no one emerges from backstage*

Dr Itlater? Dr Itlater? Can you hear me?

*no response*

Helloooo... It's your sermon now! We're getting impatient!

*stony silence*

...

*several minutes pass*

I think I'll just give him a call, then.

...

Hello, Dr Itlater? It's supposed to be your sermon now.

Dr Itlater: What? I'll do it tomorrow.

That's what you said the last time. You've delayed this talk for... let's see, 3 weeks?


Dr Itlater: No, I swear! I'll definitely do it tomorrow!

Rubbish. You'd better come over now, or I'll snap your neck, rip your entrails out then feed you to a hungry dragon.

Dr Itlater: I'm really sorry! My grandfather just died, and I've got to be at the wake.

Didn't he die last week already?

Dr Itlater: Um... Uh... He got better!

Whatever. So, you're giving your sermon tomorrow. No compromises. Is that okay?

Dr Itlater: Um... I've got something really important! You know, I have to attend this seminar on, um... traditional basket weaving, and...

Didn't you say you would do it tomorrow, with total certainty?

Dr Itlater: I only just got the news! They changed the timing!

*sighs* How about Wednesday?

Dr Itlater: Can’t make it on Wednesday… It’s my, um, daughter’s… um, birthday, and there’s going to, um, be a big, um… party… I’m um, doing the dishes…

I thought you didn’t have children.

Dr Itlater: Uh, I just, um, adopted her from… um, Belgium the other day. Yeah, Belgium. My word.

*facepalms* Okay, is Thursday okay?

Dr Itlater: No, I’m busy on Thursday, too… Um, I need to, um, er… arrange my, um, Warhammer 40k miniatures in um… alphabetical order, um, yeah…”

HOW THE HELL DO YOU ARRANGE WARHAMMER 40K MINIATURES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?!!!!

Dr Itlater: Um, yeah, slip of the tongue there, honest… What I meant was arrange them by, um, colour, yeah.”

*facepalms again* You’re going to skip a highly-awaited sermon just to… arrange little plastic models?

Dr Itlater: Um… My wife would be really upset if I don’t, yeah, honest. She keeps saying I’m… what was that? A useless, procrastinating bum, or something. She’ll um… divorce me if I don’t arrange those miniatures, yeah.”

*starts frothing* FRIDAY?! YOU’VE GOT TO BE THERE, OR I’LL-

Dr Itlater: Friday? You must be joking! I’m, um… er, going to court for a case, yeah… Some other guy sued me for postponing a lecture too ma-”

*ominous silence*

Dr Itlater: I’m so sorry, the court case is really impor-AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!

*loud gristly sound from over the phone*

I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid the sermon today has to be postponed, due to the guest speaker being... how should I put this... indisposed. I’ll try to cook something up soon, promise.

Have a good day, everyone!