HomeThe Various Associations Associated With The Church
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The Various Associations Associated With The Church
TimeDragon888 Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:37 am
Originally posted by TimeDragon888 on 3 Sep 2009. Link here: http://surrealtwilight.com/viewtopic.php?p=313348#p313348
The Church, even though it is large, is not the only association that is affliated with the Holy Triumvirate. There are many small groups or factions, spawned from the original Church, and have populated many parts of the world. Each one of them have their own beliefs, but the central idea still remains strong - the power of LOL.
1. The Church
The biggest and most renowned association, the Church is well known throughout the world of Surreal*Twilight for being awesome, cool, funny, and any other adjective you can think of. The Triumvirate themselves regularly partake of ceremonies in the Church, as do the legendary various personalities of DayDreamer (eg DayDamner, DayJealous, DayMan, Meer D).
2. The Venerated Order of St. Cornflake
A group of nuns that originated from the Church, this Order was originally founded by St Cornflake, a valiant nun who purged the sins of a thousand heretics in a single night and made them experience true salvation. Their motto, "To give the soul heaven, you must give the body hell", is what characterizes them from the other associations of the Church.
3. The Dragon Nursery of St. Nutjob
A rather new association, this nursery was founded by St. Nutjob to house mistreated and abused dragons, nurturing them back to health. Previous Head Inquisitor DayDreamer and Smiter Ramos Asura was known to have helped this nursery grow strong, but due to lack of attention, the nursery became heavily indebted to various banks. In a misfortunate campaign, General Incompetence destroyed the Dragon Nursery, and St. Nutjob died trying to defend it. More details will be revealed in the Member's Newsletter.
4. The Oatsian Inquisition
Even though many do not remember this, the Oatsian Inquisition was once a devout follower of the Secular Triumvirate. However, a long time ago, they were led astray by the temptation of Oats, and soon degenerated into a group of pink-suited men who worshipped breakfast cereal. Most of the Oatsian Inquisition left Surreal*Twilight, choosing to populate the neighboring Fantagorymoryr instead. More than half of their men were killed, however, due to an expedition that supposedly was to "find a laptop".
5. Arrrrgh Gulch Smiters
A group of smiters that moved to Arrrgh Gulch ever since the start of the Arrrrgh Gulch war, these smiters have lived there for years, completely forgetting the original purpose of capturing the Gulch. Having defeated their true enemies a long time ago, they now battle each other in factions named after colors, each having their own agenda, like "Capturing the flag" or "To gain points". It is possible that somebody strong enough will someday travel to Arrrrgh Gulch and reunite the smiters.
6. Tolerated Heretics of the Fat Lady
These are former heretics who were converted by the love of the nuns in the Venerated Order of St Cornflake, now willing to serve the Church's cause. They may still retain traces of their former heresy, but they are more or less tolerable now, thus the name.
7. t3H h3r3ric4l uN10n
This evil organization was spawned one day when Wstfgl felt bored, and tried to insert two paperclips into a glass of orange juice using LOL magic. The resultant explosion created evil forms of the Triumvirate, who then went out and formed their own uN10n. They are constantly planning to overthrow the Church, and have been known to possess mind-control abilities. However, they are usually too busy bickering amongst themselves to do anything.
The Various Associations Associated With The Church
The Church, even though it is large, is not the only association that is affliated with the Holy Triumvirate. There are many small groups or factions, spawned from the original Church, and have populated many parts of the world. Each one of them have their own beliefs, but the central idea still remains strong - the power of LOL.
1. The Church
The biggest and most renowned association, the Church is well known throughout the world of Surreal*Twilight for being awesome, cool, funny, and any other adjective you can think of. The Triumvirate themselves regularly partake of ceremonies in the Church, as do the legendary various personalities of DayDreamer (eg DayDamner, DayJealous, DayMan, Meer D).
2. The Venerated Order of St. Cornflake
A group of nuns that originated from the Church, this Order was originally founded by St Cornflake, a valiant nun who purged the sins of a thousand heretics in a single night and made them experience true salvation. Their motto, "To give the soul heaven, you must give the body hell", is what characterizes them from the other associations of the Church.
3. The Dragon Nursery of St. Nutjob
A rather new association, this nursery was founded by St. Nutjob to house mistreated and abused dragons, nurturing them back to health. Previous Head Inquisitor DayDreamer and Smiter Ramos Asura was known to have helped this nursery grow strong, but due to lack of attention, the nursery became heavily indebted to various banks. In a misfortunate campaign, General Incompetence destroyed the Dragon Nursery, and St. Nutjob died trying to defend it. More details will be revealed in the Member's Newsletter.
4. The Oatsian Inquisition
Even though many do not remember this, the Oatsian Inquisition was once a devout follower of the Secular Triumvirate. However, a long time ago, they were led astray by the temptation of Oats, and soon degenerated into a group of pink-suited men who worshipped breakfast cereal. Most of the Oatsian Inquisition left Surreal*Twilight, choosing to populate the neighboring Fantagorymoryr instead. More than half of their men were killed, however, due to an expedition that supposedly was to "find a laptop".
5. Arrrrgh Gulch Smiters
A group of smiters that moved to Arrrgh Gulch ever since the start of the Arrrrgh Gulch war, these smiters have lived there for years, completely forgetting the original purpose of capturing the Gulch. Having defeated their true enemies a long time ago, they now battle each other in factions named after colors, each having their own agenda, like "Capturing the flag" or "To gain points". It is possible that somebody strong enough will someday travel to Arrrrgh Gulch and reunite the smiters.
6. Tolerated Heretics of the Fat Lady
These are former heretics who were converted by the love of the nuns in the Venerated Order of St Cornflake, now willing to serve the Church's cause. They may still retain traces of their former heresy, but they are more or less tolerable now, thus the name.
7. t3H h3r3ric4l uN10n
This evil organization was spawned one day when Wstfgl felt bored, and tried to insert two paperclips into a glass of orange juice using LOL magic. The resultant explosion created evil forms of the Triumvirate, who then went out and formed their own uN10n. They are constantly planning to overthrow the Church, and have been known to possess mind-control abilities. However, they are usually too busy bickering amongst themselves to do anything.
TimeDragon888- Admin
- Posts : 68
Join date : 2010-08-28 -
Part Two
TimeDragon888 Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:39 am
Originally posted by Wstfgl on 3 Sep 2009. Link here: http://surrealtwilight.com/viewtopic.php?p=313381#p313381
8. The SPESS MEHREENS, FUREH OF THE TRUUM-VEH-RETE
The greatest warriors of the Triumvirate, this is an organization of genetically-modified super-soldiers fanatically loyal to the Triumvirate and the Master Cheese, the Really Great Guy who was the founder of their order. They follow a version of the Spartan Way, in which less than one in a thousand applicants survive -- the selection test is simply to throw large hordes of Apprentice Smiters at strategically unimportant objectives (or sometimes, even to engage enemies as dangerous as flocks of sheep or statues of Josef Stalin) until victory is attained, then induct all those who survive into the Order.
The Arrrgh Gulch Smiters are one of the more prominent groups of them, due to their notorious reputation of battling against each other due to a combination of poor planning, incompetence, miscommunication and a very generous insurance plan that gives huge payouts for every man or piece of equipment lost in battle. They are very distrustful of Preachers, whom they feel are too passive in trying to guard the minds of men from Heresy. However, they do have a grudging respect for the Venerated Order of St. Cornflake due to their 'tough love' approach.
A long time ago, in the time of the Master Cheese (who was a really great guy, I must mention that again), the name SPESS MEHREENS actually was some long Pig-Latin acronym that stood for something really grand and important, but after the razing of the Library at Stevenandria, the record of what it actually meant was lost. Due to this, many people think SPESS MEHREENS have very bad diction, when they're just trying their best to pronounce things as they are spelled.
As most SPESS MEHREENS are bald for a variety of inexplicable reasons, the ones that actually have hair generally are greatly revered and have very high positions within the organization, and spend a lot of time grooming said hair to maintain an aura of authority.
9. The ROCK MEHREENS
Basically, SPESS MEHREENS playing giant nuclear-powered guitars. This either looks very silly or ridiculously awesome. Their worst enemies are the Lich Vocalists.
10. The Honourable Order of the Chivalrous Knights of the Gentlemanly St. Bagel
This is a small, all-male sect of the Church, well known for their rigid, somewhat restrictive adherence to an antiquated code of chivalry, honour and gentlemanliness. Many of the members are extremely manly, and are often the target of much flirting. They find this very unfortunate, as they are required by the code to be respectful, gentlemanly and faithful to their damsels. Many of them become stars in SUV, beer or cigarette commercials.
11. The Ordo Magus-Dudeus
This sect is one of the largest groups of Smiters, and puts LOL magic in so high regard that some believe that they venerate the power of LOL even more than the Triumvirate itself. This leads to many suspicions of heresy and a lot of tension between them and other sects. However, they play a relatively important if unheard-of duty -- Defending the Church's lower levels from the dreaded Cyborg Ninja Lobsters.
Few have heard of this great menace until Ultimate Aries made their mission public, but the Cyborg Ninja Lobsters are a grave threat to the Church as a whole, and if left unchecked, will quickly swarm into the upper levels of the Church and perform something unspeakably horrible to everyone there. Some believe that this horrible thing is to get stamped on by crowds of devotees and make the place dirty, but saying that in front of one of the sect's members generally results in said person being reduced to a pair of smoking boots.
They are known to use golems, which some find vaguely heretical. But what do you expect from a paranoid Inquisition that suspects everything, including jaywalking, to be heresy?
12. The Random NPCs
Believed to be the descendants of the legendary 13th Tribe of Jim, the members of this tribe now roam the earth, offering meaningless quests to fetch completely worthless bits of wild animal, raising the prices of all the best weaponry just at the time when a hero needs such a weapon to defeat a great evil, or allowing random adventurers to walk into their house and throughly gut it in search of small coins.
Some sects are devoted to hunting them down and making them atone for whatever heresies they may or may not have committed when separated from the Not-A-Church's guiding light.
[s]13. The Order of the Purple Marshmallow.[/s]
The Order of the Purple Marshmallow does NOT exist. It is NOT a highly secret organization devoted to NOT disposing of the Triumvirate's, specifically Wstfgl's, enemies. Denial and extreme secrecy are NOT their core tenets. Their secret operations are NOT compromised and revealed to the Church at large. They are NOT using highly classified technology NOT reverse-engineered from the remains of former Bots. They are NOT secretly planning to make the Church more random.
Most importantly, the legendary Red Spy does NOT exist, and is NOT a member of this organization. He does NOT crab-walk, being non-existent.
13. THE HERETICAL LEGIONS
Just under a year ago, in the long-gone Age of Myths, Legends and Scantily-Dressed Chicks, there lived a man called Luthor. He was a high-ranking member of the Church clergy, and wielded great influence. However, a seemingly unimportant event led to his downfall -- he was convinced that a rather insignificant dot in a verse of scripture no one ever read was a speck of fly shit, disagreeing with most of the un-clergy in the process. This was very controversial, but not really classified as heresy, as many such disagreements had happened before, and were usually settled when one party died mysteriously in his or her sleep, with obvious stab wounds in their back and a little Post-It note glued to the body saying "I did NOT do it. Signed, NOT The Red Spy".
However, during a religious discussion during tea-time about said contentious dot, Luthor lost his temper after one of the senior clergy, having consumed a little too much of the herbal tea during lunchtime, continuously repeated the mantra "Chill, just watch the colours with me, man" in response to all of his arguments. In a fit of rage, he stole all 40 of the cakes (some dispute that they were actually pies, but said people are often executed for heresy) the council was having for tea. This rang alarm bells within the Inquisition, whom promptly declared him as being "Hereticus Excommunicate Maximus -- Terminate With Extreme Dakka". As the deed he had committed was just terrible.
However, he was a very powerful man, and fully half of the Triumvirate's sects turned to support him in his heresy. A great religious war, known as the Great Waste Of Productive Time And Cupcakes, promptly erupted, and vicious battles were fought across the length and breadth of the land.
However, after a great loyalist commander, whom had gone slightly bonkers after reading too many stories about Tassadar, teleported into Luthor's castle and accidentally blew himself up, killing Luthor in the process, the tide of war turned against the heretics and they retreated into a LOL Portal conveniently formed by a great cataclysm that had befallen the elves of Fantagorymoryir. They emerged in a strange dimension, and promptly fell into the influence of the heathen false idols of Law.
They have been making raids against the Church ever since, aiming to retrieve the original Ye Boocke of Ye Ages and vindicate Luthor's belief that it really was fly shit after all.
14. The Inquisition
The Inquisition's job is to hunt down heresy and protect the members of the Church from it. This is tougher than it looks, as heresy comes in all forms, ranging from not returning library books on time and jaywalking to walking on the grass. Now that's terrible.
Most heretics who confess to their sins are either granted a quick, extremely enjoyable death through hallucinogen overdose or inducted into one of the repentant heretic orders like the Tolerated Heretics of the Fat Lady. However, in the event that they don't, the Inquisition has a variety of instruments that can coerce a confession out of them, ranging from the standard red-hot pokers and Iron Maidens to the terrifying ordeal of being locked in a hotel room with nothing to do other than watch re-runs of "Repent Heretic, Or Die".
They also wear very big red hats.
More about the various sects of the Triumvirate will be revealed on a later date.
The Various Associations Associated with the Church, Continued
8. The SPESS MEHREENS, FUREH OF THE TRUUM-VEH-RETE
The greatest warriors of the Triumvirate, this is an organization of genetically-modified super-soldiers fanatically loyal to the Triumvirate and the Master Cheese, the Really Great Guy who was the founder of their order. They follow a version of the Spartan Way, in which less than one in a thousand applicants survive -- the selection test is simply to throw large hordes of Apprentice Smiters at strategically unimportant objectives (or sometimes, even to engage enemies as dangerous as flocks of sheep or statues of Josef Stalin) until victory is attained, then induct all those who survive into the Order.
The Arrrgh Gulch Smiters are one of the more prominent groups of them, due to their notorious reputation of battling against each other due to a combination of poor planning, incompetence, miscommunication and a very generous insurance plan that gives huge payouts for every man or piece of equipment lost in battle. They are very distrustful of Preachers, whom they feel are too passive in trying to guard the minds of men from Heresy. However, they do have a grudging respect for the Venerated Order of St. Cornflake due to their 'tough love' approach.
A long time ago, in the time of the Master Cheese (who was a really great guy, I must mention that again), the name SPESS MEHREENS actually was some long Pig-Latin acronym that stood for something really grand and important, but after the razing of the Library at Stevenandria, the record of what it actually meant was lost. Due to this, many people think SPESS MEHREENS have very bad diction, when they're just trying their best to pronounce things as they are spelled.
As most SPESS MEHREENS are bald for a variety of inexplicable reasons, the ones that actually have hair generally are greatly revered and have very high positions within the organization, and spend a lot of time grooming said hair to maintain an aura of authority.
9. The ROCK MEHREENS
Basically, SPESS MEHREENS playing giant nuclear-powered guitars. This either looks very silly or ridiculously awesome. Their worst enemies are the Lich Vocalists.
10. The Honourable Order of the Chivalrous Knights of the Gentlemanly St. Bagel
This is a small, all-male sect of the Church, well known for their rigid, somewhat restrictive adherence to an antiquated code of chivalry, honour and gentlemanliness. Many of the members are extremely manly, and are often the target of much flirting. They find this very unfortunate, as they are required by the code to be respectful, gentlemanly and faithful to their damsels. Many of them become stars in SUV, beer or cigarette commercials.
11. The Ordo Magus-Dudeus
This sect is one of the largest groups of Smiters, and puts LOL magic in so high regard that some believe that they venerate the power of LOL even more than the Triumvirate itself. This leads to many suspicions of heresy and a lot of tension between them and other sects. However, they play a relatively important if unheard-of duty -- Defending the Church's lower levels from the dreaded Cyborg Ninja Lobsters.
Few have heard of this great menace until Ultimate Aries made their mission public, but the Cyborg Ninja Lobsters are a grave threat to the Church as a whole, and if left unchecked, will quickly swarm into the upper levels of the Church and perform something unspeakably horrible to everyone there. Some believe that this horrible thing is to get stamped on by crowds of devotees and make the place dirty, but saying that in front of one of the sect's members generally results in said person being reduced to a pair of smoking boots.
They are known to use golems, which some find vaguely heretical. But what do you expect from a paranoid Inquisition that suspects everything, including jaywalking, to be heresy?
12. The Random NPCs
Believed to be the descendants of the legendary 13th Tribe of Jim, the members of this tribe now roam the earth, offering meaningless quests to fetch completely worthless bits of wild animal, raising the prices of all the best weaponry just at the time when a hero needs such a weapon to defeat a great evil, or allowing random adventurers to walk into their house and throughly gut it in search of small coins.
Some sects are devoted to hunting them down and making them atone for whatever heresies they may or may not have committed when separated from the Not-A-Church's guiding light.
[s]13. The Order of the Purple Marshmallow.[/s]
The Order of the Purple Marshmallow does NOT exist. It is NOT a highly secret organization devoted to NOT disposing of the Triumvirate's, specifically Wstfgl's, enemies. Denial and extreme secrecy are NOT their core tenets. Their secret operations are NOT compromised and revealed to the Church at large. They are NOT using highly classified technology NOT reverse-engineered from the remains of former Bots. They are NOT secretly planning to make the Church more random.
Most importantly, the legendary Red Spy does NOT exist, and is NOT a member of this organization. He does NOT crab-walk, being non-existent.
13. THE HERETICAL LEGIONS
Just under a year ago, in the long-gone Age of Myths, Legends and Scantily-Dressed Chicks, there lived a man called Luthor. He was a high-ranking member of the Church clergy, and wielded great influence. However, a seemingly unimportant event led to his downfall -- he was convinced that a rather insignificant dot in a verse of scripture no one ever read was a speck of fly shit, disagreeing with most of the un-clergy in the process. This was very controversial, but not really classified as heresy, as many such disagreements had happened before, and were usually settled when one party died mysteriously in his or her sleep, with obvious stab wounds in their back and a little Post-It note glued to the body saying "I did NOT do it. Signed, NOT The Red Spy".
However, during a religious discussion during tea-time about said contentious dot, Luthor lost his temper after one of the senior clergy, having consumed a little too much of the herbal tea during lunchtime, continuously repeated the mantra "Chill, just watch the colours with me, man" in response to all of his arguments. In a fit of rage, he stole all 40 of the cakes (some dispute that they were actually pies, but said people are often executed for heresy) the council was having for tea. This rang alarm bells within the Inquisition, whom promptly declared him as being "Hereticus Excommunicate Maximus -- Terminate With Extreme Dakka". As the deed he had committed was just terrible.
However, he was a very powerful man, and fully half of the Triumvirate's sects turned to support him in his heresy. A great religious war, known as the Great Waste Of Productive Time And Cupcakes, promptly erupted, and vicious battles were fought across the length and breadth of the land.
However, after a great loyalist commander, whom had gone slightly bonkers after reading too many stories about Tassadar, teleported into Luthor's castle and accidentally blew himself up, killing Luthor in the process, the tide of war turned against the heretics and they retreated into a LOL Portal conveniently formed by a great cataclysm that had befallen the elves of Fantagorymoryir. They emerged in a strange dimension, and promptly fell into the influence of the heathen false idols of Law.
They have been making raids against the Church ever since, aiming to retrieve the original Ye Boocke of Ye Ages and vindicate Luthor's belief that it really was fly shit after all.
14. The Inquisition
The Inquisition's job is to hunt down heresy and protect the members of the Church from it. This is tougher than it looks, as heresy comes in all forms, ranging from not returning library books on time and jaywalking to walking on the grass. Now that's terrible.
Most heretics who confess to their sins are either granted a quick, extremely enjoyable death through hallucinogen overdose or inducted into one of the repentant heretic orders like the Tolerated Heretics of the Fat Lady. However, in the event that they don't, the Inquisition has a variety of instruments that can coerce a confession out of them, ranging from the standard red-hot pokers and Iron Maidens to the terrifying ordeal of being locked in a hotel room with nothing to do other than watch re-runs of "Repent Heretic, Or Die".
They also wear very big red hats.
More about the various sects of the Triumvirate will be revealed on a later date.
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- Posts : 68
Join date : 2010-08-28 -
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