HomeDid You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?
Page 1 of 1
Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?
TimeDragon888 Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:28 am
Originally posted by Wstfgl on 3 Apr 2009. Link here: http://surrealtwilight.com/viewtopic.php?p=274986#p274986
Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?
In all those generic JRPG plots, the final boss battle is inevitably either an ancient evil once again unleashed upon the world (that could not be destroyed, but only sealed away by a generic wise, powerful extinct race) or the main antagonist, who has absorbed some source of incredible cosmic power and gone all 'One Winged Angel' on you. Has the epic soundtrack, repeated ad nauseaum as you slowly try to wear down the overpowered boss's enormous reserve of hit points, started grating on your ears? Have you despaired as you realize that after you exhausted all your Phoenix Downs on the first stage of the boss battle, there are still 2 evil mutated forms to go? Have you become skeptical of the heroes' claim that the power of friendship can conquer all, when your entire party gets instantly wiped out from a single AOE attack? Well, here's some tips for you.
1. Grind levels and better items.
I'm sure that on your way to the ultimate showdown, you would have been assaulted repeatedly by endless hordes of faceless evil minions. In your attempt to quickly complete the game and watch the pretty end-game cutscene fireworks, you would probably greatly resent these annoying random encounters, which seem to do nothing but lengthen the game, delay you in the equally frustrating puzzle segments and stop you from enjoying the taste of victory before your grades or work performance begin to suffer.
Don't. Whenever you reach the point that you can begin the ultimate battle, you are almost inevitably waaaay too underpowered to face the boss at this point. Spend several hours, or days if necessary, wandering around dungeons, killing these apparently limitless hordes of creatures, and gain more experience and money to buy better items. It's tiring, but it seems to be the only way to get enough power to attain victory.
Side effects include losing all your friends, alienating your family, a drastic drop in school grades or work performance, dreaming of wandering around dungeons and encountering funny tentacled things, and muscular atrophy from staying in your seat for so long.
2. Get as many party members as you can.
This is very useful advice. Travel all over the game world, doing pointless subquests and recruiting a small army of varied followers who follow you for some stupid reason. These followers, or 'party members' as they are sometimes called, often have a range of different abilities, making your small army more equipped to deal with the uber-boss battle looming over the horizon. However, having 299 other followers in a turn-based RPG often makes each turn last an hour.
Eventually, with enough grinding, you will savour the sweet taste of victory as your 299 random comrades dance around the fallen form of your adversary.
Complete every optional side-quest.
Never mind that the sidequests often require ridiculous amounts of grinding and are done for some pointless reason like retrieving someone's Pokemon fanfics that were inexplicably stolen by mindless, slavering beasts incapable of outhinking a rock, let alone holding someone's personal possessions to ransom. Just do them, as they always give out some ridiculous rewards grossly inproportionate for the small favour you did to them, and doing enough of them will eventually allow you to equip your entire private army of followers with the class-specific equivalent of the 'Shiny Giant Sword of Extreme Plot Significance +12'.
Also, they are a good way for finding party members, who inexplicably follow you through thick and thin despite being continuously killed and revived and suffering from excruciating pain in the process, when all you did for them was to find their cow.
4. Attain some godlike item of extreme plot significance.
Somehow, the Ancient, Wise But Unfortunately Extinct Generic RPG Race has left you a weapon capable of defeating the boss once and for all, inexplicably not trying to use it to slay the boss themselves and preventing their downfall. Don't ask questions about the ridiculous nature of this, just take that giant sword of great justice and peanuts and slay that evil demon thing already!
For some strange reason, only the main character is able to use the godlike item of great significance. And it usually is ridiculously oversized.
5. Use Some Mystical Ancient Nerf Thing
Like how the Ancient, Wise But Unfortunately Extinct Generic RPG Race left behind a giant killer weapon instead of killing the ancient evil themselves, they also left behind some power draining thing that inexplicably makes the ancient evil quite a lot weaker, allowing you and your 299 party members to fight it on your own level.
Once this happens, throwing your 299 loyal followers at it probably won't fail.
6. Exploit its weak spot
Remember how Luke Skywalker destroyed the Death Star? Evil Final Bosses often have some kind of fatal drawback, that you heroes can exploit ruthlessly. This often ties in with the Mystical Ancient Weapon Thing of Great Plot Significance, which is often specially built to fight that dread evil, further begging the question as to why didn't they just kill it themselves.
7. MORE DAKKA!!!!!!!!
To hell with all the previous suggestions. To truly ensure the death of that annoying Eldritch Abomination, there's nothing like blasting it with so much apocalypse-level Summon Magic that your attacks actually devastate the planet more than the Big Bad's dastardly plan would, if you hadn't foiled it by using so much judicious firepower, of course. Alternatively, buying the most expensive weapon available in the shop that inexplicably enough, is sitting right outside the villain's lair peddling all sorts of ridiculously powerful weaponry (Why doesn't the villain get rid of him to make your life harder? We don't know, either) and continuously blasting the monster until it's nothing more than a faint pink mist and some paperwork works pretty well, too, especially if the weapon in question removes the entire surface crust of the planet while doing so.
Wstfgl does NOT allow the use of the above method, and reminds that this is NOT a reverse-psychology message at all. Seriously. By the way, you are NOT allowed to check out Super Saiyan Corporation's extensive catalogue of secret, forbidden magical artifacts and martial arts techniques, and you are NOT encouraged to bring them over to the firing range and test them out on our unsuspecting blast-test dummies. Please do NOT try this at home. Heh heh heh.
...
I hope you have found this guide informative. Please inform me if you have anything to add.
Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?
In all those generic JRPG plots, the final boss battle is inevitably either an ancient evil once again unleashed upon the world (that could not be destroyed, but only sealed away by a generic wise, powerful extinct race) or the main antagonist, who has absorbed some source of incredible cosmic power and gone all 'One Winged Angel' on you. Has the epic soundtrack, repeated ad nauseaum as you slowly try to wear down the overpowered boss's enormous reserve of hit points, started grating on your ears? Have you despaired as you realize that after you exhausted all your Phoenix Downs on the first stage of the boss battle, there are still 2 evil mutated forms to go? Have you become skeptical of the heroes' claim that the power of friendship can conquer all, when your entire party gets instantly wiped out from a single AOE attack? Well, here's some tips for you.
1. Grind levels and better items.
I'm sure that on your way to the ultimate showdown, you would have been assaulted repeatedly by endless hordes of faceless evil minions. In your attempt to quickly complete the game and watch the pretty end-game cutscene fireworks, you would probably greatly resent these annoying random encounters, which seem to do nothing but lengthen the game, delay you in the equally frustrating puzzle segments and stop you from enjoying the taste of victory before your grades or work performance begin to suffer.
Don't. Whenever you reach the point that you can begin the ultimate battle, you are almost inevitably waaaay too underpowered to face the boss at this point. Spend several hours, or days if necessary, wandering around dungeons, killing these apparently limitless hordes of creatures, and gain more experience and money to buy better items. It's tiring, but it seems to be the only way to get enough power to attain victory.
Side effects include losing all your friends, alienating your family, a drastic drop in school grades or work performance, dreaming of wandering around dungeons and encountering funny tentacled things, and muscular atrophy from staying in your seat for so long.
2. Get as many party members as you can.
This is very useful advice. Travel all over the game world, doing pointless subquests and recruiting a small army of varied followers who follow you for some stupid reason. These followers, or 'party members' as they are sometimes called, often have a range of different abilities, making your small army more equipped to deal with the uber-boss battle looming over the horizon. However, having 299 other followers in a turn-based RPG often makes each turn last an hour.
Eventually, with enough grinding, you will savour the sweet taste of victory as your 299 random comrades dance around the fallen form of your adversary.
Complete every optional side-quest.
Never mind that the sidequests often require ridiculous amounts of grinding and are done for some pointless reason like retrieving someone's Pokemon fanfics that were inexplicably stolen by mindless, slavering beasts incapable of outhinking a rock, let alone holding someone's personal possessions to ransom. Just do them, as they always give out some ridiculous rewards grossly inproportionate for the small favour you did to them, and doing enough of them will eventually allow you to equip your entire private army of followers with the class-specific equivalent of the 'Shiny Giant Sword of Extreme Plot Significance +12'.
Also, they are a good way for finding party members, who inexplicably follow you through thick and thin despite being continuously killed and revived and suffering from excruciating pain in the process, when all you did for them was to find their cow.
4. Attain some godlike item of extreme plot significance.
Somehow, the Ancient, Wise But Unfortunately Extinct Generic RPG Race has left you a weapon capable of defeating the boss once and for all, inexplicably not trying to use it to slay the boss themselves and preventing their downfall. Don't ask questions about the ridiculous nature of this, just take that giant sword of great justice and peanuts and slay that evil demon thing already!
For some strange reason, only the main character is able to use the godlike item of great significance. And it usually is ridiculously oversized.
5. Use Some Mystical Ancient Nerf Thing
Like how the Ancient, Wise But Unfortunately Extinct Generic RPG Race left behind a giant killer weapon instead of killing the ancient evil themselves, they also left behind some power draining thing that inexplicably makes the ancient evil quite a lot weaker, allowing you and your 299 party members to fight it on your own level.
Once this happens, throwing your 299 loyal followers at it probably won't fail.
6. Exploit its weak spot
Remember how Luke Skywalker destroyed the Death Star? Evil Final Bosses often have some kind of fatal drawback, that you heroes can exploit ruthlessly. This often ties in with the Mystical Ancient Weapon Thing of Great Plot Significance, which is often specially built to fight that dread evil, further begging the question as to why didn't they just kill it themselves.
7. MORE DAKKA!!!!!!!!
To hell with all the previous suggestions. To truly ensure the death of that annoying Eldritch Abomination, there's nothing like blasting it with so much apocalypse-level Summon Magic that your attacks actually devastate the planet more than the Big Bad's dastardly plan would, if you hadn't foiled it by using so much judicious firepower, of course. Alternatively, buying the most expensive weapon available in the shop that inexplicably enough, is sitting right outside the villain's lair peddling all sorts of ridiculously powerful weaponry (Why doesn't the villain get rid of him to make your life harder? We don't know, either) and continuously blasting the monster until it's nothing more than a faint pink mist and some paperwork works pretty well, too, especially if the weapon in question removes the entire surface crust of the planet while doing so.
Wstfgl does NOT allow the use of the above method, and reminds that this is NOT a reverse-psychology message at all. Seriously. By the way, you are NOT allowed to check out Super Saiyan Corporation's extensive catalogue of secret, forbidden magical artifacts and martial arts techniques, and you are NOT encouraged to bring them over to the firing range and test them out on our unsuspecting blast-test dummies. Please do NOT try this at home. Heh heh heh.
...
I hope you have found this guide informative. Please inform me if you have anything to add.
TimeDragon888- Admin
- Posts : 68
Join date : 2010-08-28 -
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum